Things That Make Me Want To Suffocate Myself On Eid

1.          Waking up ridiculously early because you have to "hear" the kheer/sheer being made in the kitchen.
2.          The awkward couple of seconds when you don’t know how long to hug those grinning relatives for and just how much strength you're going to need to break that embrace.
3.          That moment when the rich relative only gives you 100 rupees for Eidi and seconds later their children come rushing to you asking you for some.
4.          Answering questions about your personal life. ALL DAY. "Beta kamzor kiun ho gayay ho?" "Beta graduation ho gae?" " Beta naukri krna start tau krdi hogi?"
5.          Failing to explain to your relatives what a career in "communication design", "fineart" or "social media" means.
6.          Serving kheer to the relatives. Then, serving them some more.
7.          Half the khandaan telling you to buff up ( Yaar jaan shaan banao ) while the other half warns you against the pitfalls of gaining weight.
8.          Awkward introductions to relatives you met when you were 5 and how they just can't stop stating how you were only a foot tall when they last saw you. 
9.           The constant stream of Eid Mubarak messages you conveniently choose to ignore. ( Tumhein dekha tau khayaal aya meray dil mein, Eid ka chaand aj muhallay mein kiun utar aya hay ).
10.       That one relative who decides to sleep over at your place and conveniently hangs his sweaty kurta on the door.
11. That one guy in the family who thinks Eid is too mainstream to celebrate and shows up in a pair of jeans and an old tee shirt.
12. That one kid who just won't stop crying.
13. A mysterious caller who congratulates you for winning 5 lakh rupay Eidi by Ufone and then asks you to call them back.
14. The local dukaan wala grinning at you and saying, "Bhai aj bhaabi k liay easy load nai leingay?"
15. Actually going to the same dukaan wala to get some easy load...