Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ao bacho Eidi lelo - 10 Reasons Eid is still the best holiday ever

So Ramzan is tiring. Waking up early is always a deal breaker. Then there's the office/university timing crap and for women, I am sure, it's the incredible amount of work they have to do in the kitchen, what with the aftaaris and the dawats and all. So naturally, by the 28th roza, you are practically screaming for Eid. But then Eid comes and you realize it's not exactly a walk in the park either. There's that downpour of relatives you rarely get to see, there's lack of sleep, there's driving around the city like a nut and ofcourse, the work. Kitchen, dining, plumbing etc etc. An added bonus is if your family thinks you are good with kids and throw at you, the 3600 infants your rishtedars bring with them. BUT, and yes BUT, despite all the negativity, the frustration and the contradiction in the Eid excitment-Expectation/Reality, it's still Eid. And so, to drive away the thick black cloud of "Eid sucks" that has jammed our brains and fogged our sights, I'm going to tell you why Eid is still by far the best event ever.

1) Remember that one cousin you had a crush on and you never got to see because maybe she lived in a zipcode that was socially well off than yours? Well there she is. Alive and bored. Go get her, tiger.

2) Let's face it, if you are in your 20's, there's a high chance you are generally broke. "Doobtay ko tinkay ka sahara he sahi", as my mother would say. 1500, 2000 rupay collected in Eidi is honestly enough to get you through the next 3 weeks. Rejoice. You are rich...ish.

3) Have you seen the streets? There's balloons, there's cotton candy and there's kids throwing money like rappers taking over night clubs. When was the last time you saw the city so happy? I'll tell you when. Last eid! It's utopia!

4) Remember how funny the Terminator sounded when it said that the machines were taking over? Well, I spent the last 3 weeks refreshing my newsfeed trying to enjoy the "late night" sittings before sehri and my cellphone is now a permanent part of my body. Eid, is my Sarah Connor. In case you DONT get that reference, Eid liberates me from that technology bondage trip I so conveniently allow myself to be a part of otherwise. It's real people, real friends and well real body contact. Hallelujah! Pokes are finally real.

5) There's always that ass of a cousin that you spent your entire childhood playing video games with. Yes. He is back, and in case you failed to notice, he has failed to age. It's the 90's all over again as you battle your way through the streets in GTA or fight for your life in Street Fighter.

6) I'm going to be honest, I don't have a lot of photographer friends who like taking my pictures. So naturally, I end up putting the same picture of myself over and over again. Just under a zillion different fiters every time. Eid gives me photos. Yes, despite my horrendous face or humbug remarks or the fact that every guy with a DSLR looks like a monkey to me. I can have enough photos to survive for the next few months. And that's a deal, I'm willing to take!

7) Even the shittiest of faces you know cleans up for this holiday. And yes, that includes you, your brother and your bestfriend. When you see beautiful ladies smiling at you, it's either a dream or it's day 1, 2 and 3 (IF you manage to make it through without putting your sweatpants on) of Eid!

8) 2 words, Sheer Khurma.

9) When you spend your life behind a computer screen, people in general start considering you slightly tight in the head. Maybe it's the crazy hair, the insane stubble or the fact that your shirt is still munching on the breakfast you had 13 days ago. But Eid, oh on Eid, you are a part of society again. The humans are nice to you, they sit you down and they give you money. What else could your electron stricken soul ask for?

10) And finally, the old people. Beautiful, beautiful old people. The nanis, the dadis, the nanas and pardadas. The incredible selfless folks who have nothing but love for you and a no judgement policy. You can spend hours with them without them trying to diss you for being a dude with a fashion degree or a girl who likes to play sports. Society is a bitch and these old people are what makes it avoid the wrath of God.

Now that I have poured my heart out, I'm going to hit the streets in search for a kurta with the chamkeela-est color ever. And you know how it's going to be okay when I wear it? Because it's going to be Eid.

Stay cool and Eid Mubarak.

Safa

Monday, August 5, 2013

Things That Make Me Want To Suffocate Myself On Eid


  1.          Waking up ridiculously early because you have to "hear" the kheer/sheer being made in the kitchen.
  2.          The awkward couple of seconds when you don’t know how long to hug those grinning relatives for and just how much strength you're going to need to break that embrace.
  3.          That moment when the rich relative only gives you 100 rupees for Eidi and seconds later their children come rushing to you asking you for some.
  4.          Answering questions about your personal life. ALL DAY. "Beta kamzor kiun ho gayay ho?" "Beta graduation ho gae?" " Beta naukri krna start tau krdi hogi?"
  5.          Failing to explain to your relatives what a career in "communication design", "fineart" or "social media" means.
  6.          Serving kheer to the relatives. Then, serving them some more.
  7.          Half the khandaan telling you to buff up ( Yaar jaan shaan banao ) while the other half warns you against the pitfalls of gaining weight.
  8.          Awkward introductions to relatives you met when you were 5 and how they just can't stop stating how you were only a foot tall when they last saw you. 
  9.           The constant stream of Eid Mubarak messages you conveniently choose to ignore. ( Tumhein dekha tau khayaal aya meray dil mein, Eid ka chaand aj muhallay mein kiun utar aya hay ).
  10.       That one relative who decides to sleep over at your place and conveniently hangs his sweaty kurta on the door.
  11. That one guy in the family who thinks Eid is too mainstream to celebrate and shows up in a pair of jeans and an old tee shirt.
  12. That one kid who just won't stop crying.
  13. A mysterious caller who congratulates you for winning 5 lakh rupay Eidi by Ufone and then asks you to call them back.
  14. The local dukaan wala grinning at you and saying, "Bhai aj bhaabi k liay easy load nai leingay?"
  15. Actually going to the same dukaan wala to get some easy load...